Why Pastors Are Leaving The Church

As many as 1700 pastors leave American churches each month. A recent Barna poll of ministers taken last fall showed more than half (54%) said they sometimes experience mental and emotional exhaustion.

The poll also found that 45% said sometimes they feel inadequate. Why?

Because members of the flock want more, want perfection, they want their pastor to teach, preach, marry, bury, know all of your family members names and birthdays, come to your house, call each week, sense when things are not going well in your life, have the answer for it, and do it all with a smile and patience. I know this, I once was among the number.

In short, the flock says to themselves: We need to fix his weakness. They forgot that everyone has them.

“What is the single greatest problem facing pastors today?” The greatest problems are mostly internal opposition from self-appointed critics within the church.”

Church shouldn’t be this hard.

An assembly that exists to help people shouldn’t be so willing to hurt people — by declaring them worthless, unacceptable, undesirable or strangers at the gate.

An assembly that should relax into the serenity of God’s unconditional love shouldn’t be so filled with hatred and fear.

An assembly that should do what Jesus did shouldn’t be so inwardly focused, so determined to be right, so eager for comfort, so fearful of failing.

The millions who are fleeing institutional Christianity in America aren’t escaping bad doctrine, shoddy performance values or inconvenient calls to mission. They are escaping the institution itself.

It doesn’t have to be this way. God certainly doesn’t want it this way.

I think, for example, of the performance anxiety that infects most churches. We needn’t worry so much about pleasing constituents on Sunday. Worship isn’t a Broadway show; it’s a glimpse of God, not a celebration of style, excellence and self.

I think of our leadership conflicts. Pastors aren’t CEOs hired to maximize shareholder returns. They aren’t impresarios rewarded for putting on great shows. Pastors are flawed creatures called to help other flawed creatures bring their neediness to God.

Church should be a safe place — safe to be oneself, safe to make one’s confession, safe to love whoever one feels called to love, safe to imagine more, safe to fail. Instead, church often is a dangerous place, where people feel guarded, self-protective, hemmed in by tradition and expectation, required to obey rules.

Church should be different from society. Instead, it plays by the same rules: get mine, be first, be right, punish the weak, exclude the different, reward the wealthy.

Let me tell you a story. It is about friend of mine who left the ministry decades ago. I will call him Tom. Though that is not his real name, he represents hundreds of Godly men and women who answered the call to shepherd the flock and wound up with the sheep biting them at every turn. For leaders like Tom it’s hard to leave. It’s hard being left.

When others asked him to leave, he says it felt like going through a hundred divorces at once.

If you’ve been a pastor for several years, you’ve had to deal with your share of such departures. The collective pain from years of those departures can wear a pastor down.

Even if the church is large and growing, it can be hard when people leave. But when the church is small, each loss is much more painful. These members are people we’ve invested in. People we’re friends with. And that hurts.

Tom has not attended church in 20 years. He still loves God and will attend Christmas and Easter services but has no interest in opening his life and trusting again to organized religion. No, he still loves God, he prays. But the discouragement is like a debilitating disease with no cure in sight. In the 20 years, no one has come along side to encourage him, pray for him or just be a friend.

There is also collateral damage when a church turns its back on a pastor: The pastor’s wife, or husband, the children, and the many supporters who were never part of the backstage bickering or biting.

With Tom in mind, and the many pastors out there who have wrestled with discouragement, may I suggest 10 ways you can affirm and support your pastor?

Pray for wisdom for your pastor. These leaders are often confronted with incredibly challenging situations and decisions. They need God’s wisdom to continue to be the leader of the church God has called them to be.
Pray for your pastor’s protection. Your pastor will be attacked in so many different ways. Your pastor will be tempted again and again. The Enemy seeks to destroy. The Enemy wants your pastor’s ministry destroyed.
Pray for your pastor’s family. They too are attacked, criticized, and sometimes bullied. They often feel isolated and alone. They need encouragement. They need prayer.
Pray for your pastor to withstand the critics and bullies. Some of the critics and bullies are overt and aggressive. Others are passive aggressive. All are painful. And every pastor has them.
Pray against discouragement from comparison. Before this week is over, a church member will likely tell your pastor to listen to a podcast by another pastor “to learn how to really preach” (actual words spoken to a pastor). Other pastors will hear numerous comments about the other great church in the community. The message is real and painful: You don’t measure up, pastor.
Pray against discouragement from members leaving. It’s hard for your pastor not to take it personally. It’s really hard when the departing member tells your pastor to take it personally.
Pray against discouragement from decline. Two out of three congregations in North America are declining. That is a painful reality for your pastor. That is a discouraging reality for your pastor.
Pray against discouragement from disunity. “I wish I had every minute back I had to spend refereeing church members.” Those are the actual words of one of the pastors I know. The Enemy loves it when church members fight one another.
Pray for discernment for “yes” and “no.” Pastors are pulled in a multitude of directions. They are expected to be in so many meetings, so many social events, and so many pastoral situations. They are really expected to be omnipresent. Pray they will be able to say “no” more often. Pray for their families who often get the scanty leftovers of the pastor’s time.
Pray for financial pressures. Many pastors are underpaid. They struggle day by day with financial challenges. Actual quote from a deacon: “I like for our pastor to be underpaid. It keeps him humble and dependent on God.” That deacon is enjoying a life of leisure from inherited wealth.
Pray for gospel opportunities. Pastors are energized when they have the opportunity to share the gospel. Unfortunately, many of them are too busy to take time to do so. The demands of the church are just too great. These pastors live lives of inverted priorities and frustrating days.